Mentally Beat...

I'm exhausted...It's only Tuesday and I'm mentally exhausted.  I'm trying not to over analyze things and trying to just get myself in gear, but I can't help but think.

Anxiety.  That's what I'm feeling.  Super Anxious.  I'm supposed to take three deep breathes and move on or walk away and do something else but I'm finding that incredibly hard today. 

Sunday was really hard.  The goal was to get oil changed and grocery shop.  Got to oil change, but when I got to grocery shopping I was standing near the deli and a dude, a pretty tall hot dude totally smiled at me.  I could feel myself blushing, but I couldn't eye contact back...what the hell is wrong with me.  He was a nice looking, cute guy!?! And I couldn't muscle up the energy to smile... fail.   I could feel the anxiety- I lost track of everything that needed to be done and wandered the store trying to figure out what I needed.... When I got to the check out line, he was there!  But he figured, "yup- bitch is crrrazy" and didn't look at me again...sigh...epic fail.  Maybe I just had way too much on my mind.  "A", being home alone, my car, and I just wanted to get home FAST.

Supposed to take three deep breathes...

Here we go again...

I've been taught, and finally learning (as much as it sucks), if he likes you, he'll call.  So what the hell happens between being friends, laughing, great date, meeting his friends, sex, more sex, and now not hearing from him....seems off doesn't it?  What gives?

What do I want...

I find myself asking a super serious question, what the HELL do I want.  I've got a lot of changes coming up soon.  One includes relocating.  Though it's only an hour away, I won't know ANYONE.  I'll be in a new building, it's me and the cat. 

 I don't want it to be just me anymore.  I want my friends, I want love, I want someone else to laugh with and ultimately, I'm just ready for something...maybe it's my move, maybe it'll be something big.  I don't know.  But I know I'm ready and that I'm putting myself out there...

I don't just want the icing on the cake, I want everything that's included in the cake.  All the ingredients, build from a foundation.