Up Up and Away...

Here we go!!!!!!

May. It's going to be a wild right. A long and very stressful ride. I can do this. I'm heading out today to Detriot. Not much fun there- I'm regretting a little. Detroit. What the hell is there to do in Detroit.

A suitor called. Ok texted. Let's just call him workboots (he was totally wearing workboots when I met him with white socks- WHO DOES THAT!?). 35, big business owner, and stawlker extrodinaire. My favourite line Sunday was "Ok, balls in your court. " Only to have him just text me and say " Just thinking about you and wondering if you hated men still?". (Note Sidebar: with my situation on Friday, my reposonse to workboots when he asked me to hang with him on Sunday was that I hated men and it wasn't a good time- when in reality, I had been out ALLL Saturday night and it was raining...I still hated men.)

So what now, he's texted me- just not text back? He's very nice- kinda cute. Would treat a girl like gold but I'm not a big fan of annoyence. Maybe I should just suck it up and go out with him during the day, and let him know that I'm just looking for awesome friends to see where things go? I don't know- that never works out. MMmmmMmm...plus let's face it- May, you're going to be very busy traveling. Oy Vey...

Who let's one go at 2 in the morning?

It's Monday. It's still gloomy outside. Regis and Kelly are still going on behind me. My beach picture wouldn't upload. It's Monday.

Can we talk about Guts? Like your inside Gut. I need to keep remembering how important and how right I am when I just listen to myself and shut out all the surrounding other noises. Dear Self, please listen to yourself more. It's important.

My gut told me something immediately on Friday night. That little voice that said, "Susie- this is feeling right". I met up with a guy, who I have been dating for the past month or two. I say "or two" because let's face it, he canceled on me 3Xs, never called when he was supposed to and the big ringinger, he let me drive home at 1:30 in the morning...Gut, I tell you, Gut. So anyway, I go to meet up with him- a friends house in Monroe, who's girlfriend is coming over later. In my mind, I'm thinking this dude is probably awesome, and pictured his girlfriend as way fabulous. Well, now- I was wrong. So my guy, meets me at my car and kisses me. It was wrong- he went for it, but it was wrong. Double wrong. I had a pit in my stomach- I felt it. Gut, was that you?

OH! Wait- the girlfriend- OH MAN- she's skinny white girl Rastafarian- who seemed like she was on drugs. CRAZY. So the night is going on, and my guy is attentive, cute, and supper cuddly. All I'm thinking is- do not give in, he's got to prove to you that he's not going to cancel, he's going to call and all I'm thinking when kissing is, "something just isn't the same, he's already messed this up".

Night was actually great. Besides my predicament. Fire pit, water, beers, hanging in the light breeze of spring. But then it was time to leave.

"Are you coming back to my house", he asks.

"um, do you want me to? It's a bit late" says me.

He's Pondering, cautious and replies, " No. How about you be at my house when you wake up. We'll go to the bridge, we'll go golfing and make a day of it".

"Great! I'll be there with coffee in hand by 11", says me kinda beaming... GUT- this is where I messed up. Should have listened. BUT before I go on, I must tell you the ENTIRE TIME he said how much he couldn't wait to show me his friends house, couldn't wait for me to come, so thankful that I was there...Gut- now you know why I was so conflicted.

The next morning happens. 10:15-

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this to you. I still have feelings for my x. ..."

Notice there are a lot of "I" in there and that's not the entire message as I completely deleted it. I called. You can't just send a message- we're not 15, you call me.

He's conflicted, doesn't want to hurt me. He truly has feelings for his x and can't do anything with me because it wouldn't be true to himself. He listened to his Gut, why did I have a hard time doing so? I get it. Sure it hurts, he didn't pick me. I cried. I called on my friends. He didn't pick me. But it was there all along. Who let's one go at 1:30 in the morning?

Saturday night was better. I am so happy that I have found good solid friends. It's hard meeting girls to be friends with. Really really hard. And even harder to meet young, single men.

So now, I have a crush. I've had this crush since the moment I met him. Crush- total school girl crush. I can't even look at him without blushing. I'm shy- but I'm so not. I have garbage mouth the second I try and talk to him- I don't do that! I'm a strong, independant woman who goes after goals. I have a crush. Crap.

He's so cute though. He winks at me! Every time he does, I kinda melt a bit inside. He's super tall and strong, last night I actually went to bed thinking of how great it would be to have his arms wrapped around me. I DIE!

I have a crush : )

I'm ok. I'm better. I'm back. It's Monday, I will take this day and run with it.

Needs a Sign...

Dear Universe,

Come on now!!! Stop toying with me! I beg you!

Today I got, "Susie....I need to cancel again." Not even an apology. What's that saying, fool me once, fool me twice...this is FOURTH STRIKE! YOU ARE SOOO OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

I'm Single. I'm Fabulous.

I'm Single. I'm Fabulous.

I'm Single. I'm Fabulous.

I'm stuck. I'm so stuck. Please please please..How do I go forward?

Thanks,
Susie

I want you to want me...

Isn't that how that silly song goes? You know, it's the kind of song that gets forever stuck in your head....

Well- It's true. I want someone to want me. I want someone to uncontrolably want me. Not for one night, not for one day...but someone who'll want me always.

Universe- I'm putting it out there...please be nice.

Positivity

Good things. Sunshine. Cats. Wine. Chocolate. CapeCod, Beach, books...I can not wait for this weekend. I will promise to enjoy, relax, and not stress for it is just not worth stressing over anything when you're in Cape Cod.

How old is too old? For the first time ever, I've been thinking more and more about my age..This week, a favor for the owner of my company, turned into me meeting a 23 year old, model turned newly engaged, looking for a second job. Crap. 23, engaged, starting a career (seeming very interested in portions of my job), going to Bali. Crap. Crap. Crap. Thoughts immediately went through my brain, you can only imagine. Crap. I've always been the younger go-getter, tables turned. How does one keep confidence in their life and work, when exposed to new employees?

Well, I think I've decided on something. I recently was reading a new blog, and the blogger wrote about not getting along with someone. I don't get along with people. Sometimes I just don't mesh well. I'm nice to everyone. But with this new younger, beautiful, hip chick, maybe I'll do what the blogger suggests, I'll hang with her. Be the wiser, I know the business. I am awesome...

Last night was great. Superwoman powers, my mojo, came back. It's so great when that happens. Especially after not 100% knowing what's going on in your current relationships with people. Well, I did something fun. I surrounded myself with new people, and a good new friend. Not only was I hit on passing through a toll (I don't care that he was a creeper, had a wedding band on- Still Counts!) but I met a bartender. Always a plus in life to meet bartenders, they are like therapists. He's a divorcee, two kids and 40. Well, what does a 26 yr old have in common with a 40 yr old with kids? I don't know- maybe a little something, maybe nothing. But you know what, it's meeting a new friend. And new friends lead to meeting other new people. It's a bit exciting.

Onward HO Thursday! I come to conquer you and be fabulous as ever!