Focusing on Today

Well, I woke up this morning, after a long night of reading and thinking, dreaming and pondering- and can't get out of my head how sexually crazed I am right now. Like electrified to the 9th degree. I could take care of it myself. It's empowering, it's something that I find myself saying: "I don't need a man to fulfill that need, I can do it alone". But now I'm asking- what's the sense in that- I'm putting out the vibe that I don't need a man! BRAKES ON! SCREAMING HALT!

Needing and wanting are two different ideologies. A friend asked me today, " what are you're needs, today?". I honeslty have no clue, no goal, no real, "this is what I am doing today". I know that I have to pick up last minute gifts, read, yoga later today, etc. But nothing saying "I am doing this!" Instead, I find I get fustrated. I'm fustrated that I'm alone, I'm fustrated that little things are bothering me, I'm fustrated that there are things to do and I don't want to do them- I'm sensing my tantrum coming on any minute.

So let's get back to needs- 3 big ones: Food, Water and Oxygen, right? Well, maybe there's a little more to it- what about the other parts of life that make you happy? The emotional, the sexual and the physical parts of the day? You need those too, right? I'm not allowing myself to say "I don't know" anymore. I do know- I just have to look harder.

Everyday, I do something. Most of the time it's work related. Well now finding myself towards the end of the year, I find myself asking, desiring more. More "out theres", more "differents". What is something I did last year and how I can do the complete opposite? FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. I can do this. This year, I'm going to Yoga, I'm dedicated myself to keep that white light bouncing out of my inner self. This year, I'm going to take all the risks I encounter. This year I'm going to get out there. Stop asking what out there is, and just do it. It's probably, MOST OF THE TIME, the most uncomfortable things to do- but suck it up- do it.... I can do this.

Today, my energy is out there. I realized I got a little crazy- over the top. Chill. Just chill- it'll be fine.

I'm dreaming tonight...

"What you are thinking now is creating you future life. You create your life with your thoughts. Because you are always thinking, you are always creating. What you think about the most or focus on the most, is what will appear as your life. Like all the laws of nature, there is utter perfection in this law. You create your life. Whatever you sow, you reap! You thoughts are seeds, and the harvest you reap will depend on the seeds you plant."

Today is fantastic. There is snow on the ground, it's bitter cold, the holidays upon us and it is truly wonderful.

Here is what I'm thinking, creating right now:

-Boys (ok only one)

-Love

-Living (to apartment or not to)

-Love

-Family

-Love

-Happiness

-Fulfillment in what I do today

My Boy list:

Kind

Fun

Funny

Intelligent

Light eyes

Light hair

Somewhat of a built (not a Jersey Shore guy!)

Can pack up and just go

Quirky

Clark Kent

My Apartment List:

View (possibly of water)

A gorgeous kitchen for me to attempt to cook

A room to work, A room to read, A room to sleep and have sex in, A room to watch horrible television, A room to create in, A room to believe in, A room to learn to cook in

A balcony

Something within my price range

My Work List

- To love what I do

-To play with shoes all day

-To communicate to my best and learn that I may not always be right

-Be better everyday

-Accomplished

My Happiness Plan:

-Bring back Sundays (read, never leave the house, bed, animals, no getting out of slippers, red wine, chocolate, Yoga)

-Smile Often

-Say "please" and "thank you" more and be gracious

-Say "I love you" often

-Go to Yoga and love what I see in the mirror

-Do not be around those who have negative thoughts

-Believe in the white light which exudes from my body

-Keep Hope alive inside of me

I am creating. Every thought which came from my brain was consciously typed and being believed.