Sunday Funday

Mentally Beat...

I'm exhausted...It's only Tuesday and I'm mentally exhausted.  I'm trying not to over analyze things and trying to just get myself in gear, but I can't help but think.

Anxiety.  That's what I'm feeling.  Super Anxious.  I'm supposed to take three deep breathes and move on or walk away and do something else but I'm finding that incredibly hard today. 

Sunday was really hard.  The goal was to get oil changed and grocery shop.  Got to oil change, but when I got to grocery shopping I was standing near the deli and a dude, a pretty tall hot dude totally smiled at me.  I could feel myself blushing, but I couldn't eye contact back...what the hell is wrong with me.  He was a nice looking, cute guy!?! And I couldn't muscle up the energy to smile... fail.   I could feel the anxiety- I lost track of everything that needed to be done and wandered the store trying to figure out what I needed.... When I got to the check out line, he was there!  But he figured, "yup- bitch is crrrazy" and didn't look at me again...sigh...epic fail.  Maybe I just had way too much on my mind.  "A", being home alone, my car, and I just wanted to get home FAST.

Supposed to take three deep breathes...

Here we go again...

I've been taught, and finally learning (as much as it sucks), if he likes you, he'll call.  So what the hell happens between being friends, laughing, great date, meeting his friends, sex, more sex, and now not hearing from him....seems off doesn't it?  What gives?

What do I want...

I find myself asking a super serious question, what the HELL do I want.  I've got a lot of changes coming up soon.  One includes relocating.  Though it's only an hour away, I won't know ANYONE.  I'll be in a new building, it's me and the cat. 

 I don't want it to be just me anymore.  I want my friends, I want love, I want someone else to laugh with and ultimately, I'm just ready for something...maybe it's my move, maybe it'll be something big.  I don't know.  But I know I'm ready and that I'm putting myself out there...

I don't just want the icing on the cake, I want everything that's included in the cake.  All the ingredients, build from a foundation.

Constant..

Consistent.  I need to be more consistent.  I know I can be a total hot mess, but I need to find some consistency in a routine.  I think I like being scattered all the time but I think as I'm getting older- I'm effing tired!

Maybe it's that I've been running around like a mad woman for the past three weeks but I'm ready to just get back into my swing of things. 

Also, on another note, I met a NICE guy.  Like really nice guy.  100% NOT what you would expect for me to choose, at all.   I'm keeping him silent for a while, until I figure out whats going on....stay tuned

I'm 27 and 3/4....

I was abruptly woken up this morning to reality.  That I'm 27 and 3/4, living at my parents house and being woken up becasue "my cat" did something again- I digress.

I'm coming off of an amazing three weeks.  I was part of an incredible meeting in Atlanta, then jetted to Houston where I was one of four amazing women working our asses off and back to NYC for an international ballet competition and gala.  In between, I had fun.  My attitude was awesome, fun and I love what I'm doing right now and embracing my singleness. 

I need to remember these moments of embracing my singleness.  How much I impact people lives everyday.  Not to put myself on a pedestal but I'm awesome.  I'm fun, flirty, and laughing hard- prob one of the most important things ever; just to laugh. 

In the past, I've always come off an incredible busy time with some depressing moments and I'm really trying NOT to fall into it.  Yes, there are things that I need to focus on but I'm 27 and 3/4, why can't I still have fun?  I'm working on myself, staying happy, being awesome but why is it that people don't think I'm living in reality?  I'm panicing all the time about being budget consciencous, nervous nelly about work, why don't people see that?

Keep Breathing...

Never say "no" to new jobs- especially if you want to succeed in your position. 

So, as of 6 pm yesterday, the decision was made for me to travel to Atlanta today.  I'll be working with another CEO and then onto Houston by Thursday.  DEEP BREATHES.  I know my shit.  They've asked me because I'm good and I'm capable.

I will remember to be humble

I will remember that I am smart.

I will remember to be kind and thankful

I will remember to be blessed with opportunities

I will rock

I will be amazing and fabulous

I will continue to breathe deeply.

Hello Monday...

Here's to a great week!!! Isn't he so yummy...I'd do him up and down and all over again...

Happy Monday! Cheers!

F- You Friday...

I don't know what anymore.  Maybe it's that weird place and time where I just need to get out.  I need to get out, move on and find my own happiness.  Maybe I just need to get laid- Nope- that only lasts a few moments...I need something else...I want to be happy.

I'm always happy go-lucky, but why has it been so hard lately?  I'm supposed to have a date tonight with one that's been around a while.  I don't want to think about it in a romantic way- I don't know if I feel that way anymore.  He's not what I pictured.  There's no drive, there's not spark, not anymore. 

It's always been said that you have to change your way of thinking to change your mood.  I'm trying, I really am...but this is hard..

Positivity

I have something...it might be around that time of month, but it feels like it's been that kinda couple of months.  I wake up and I'm grumpy.  I'm feeling manic.  Not Charlie Sheen manic, but def not positive.  Where is my positivity?  I have a lot of it down deep, I radiate awesomeness....but it's having trouble shining lately.

Maybe I need to change.  Maybe I'm putting the pressure on myself and realizing that I need something outside of my routine.  Even after my date, which I was pretty happy, bubbly self, I just got more fustrated.  Maybe I did it to myself- I mean I did kinda know who I was going to be dating...

Things to be Positive about today:

The sun is out!
My back is swore (I really did work hard last night at yoga!)
My coffee
Breathing deeply- took a long time to figure out how, and though I get lost in finding it, it's good to know I got it. And if I forget or need to cry, I promise myself to do three deep breathes.

I can do this.  Thinking of the white positivity light bursting from my finger tips, toes, head and my eye balls...

One more thing to be positive about- DAN ABRAMS! He's totally on ABC now and you know what- He"s SINGLE!!!!!!

He Doesn't eat veggies

Had a date on Saturday night.  Took me to a nice awesome Mexician Restaurant.  Now, I'm not saying I'm the best dater in the world, but the guy doesn't eat veggies....

I maybe reading into it, but not eating veggies, having his mother do his laundry, only buying eggs, bread, cheese and yogart at the grovery store...where's the interesting part of him?

Where does one meet interesting people?

My WHOA moment

Whoa. 

Revalation.  My best friend said to me, "you keep picking the same guys.  Blue colar, so-so smart, boring, not fun at all and short. Your picking the ones who attempt visiualizting a white picket fence.  You don't want that- you want excitment, travel and a multi-colored fence"

Mmmmm...

He's right.  I've been email chatting with a new guy.  Emails are fun and interesting.  I get that, I have to check my mail almost every hour on the hour excitment from it.  But as we've "offically" become Facebook friends, I just don't know.  He's like every other guy I've ever dated but Italian.  Like Italian Stallion.  Opps, I did it again?

Universe, I'm ready to open myself up to dating experiences..... (and thanks for the GORGOUS weather today!)

Come on, you know you sang it too

Oy Vey...

Alright...so I did it.  I knew I could have...but I was nervous.  Too many things going through my head.  So I meet the relator, and he's TOTALLY not what I expected and thank god, I wasn't attracted to him!!!!!!! Ok- the idea of him is nice, but not someone you would instantly be attracted to. 

In looking for a place to live, he tried to show me one place, on the first floor.  First floor scares me a bit and what scared me to death was a posting for the following:

1. NO loud music after 5 pm
2. NO loud noices after 7 pm
3. NO real christmas trees- ONLY artificial
4. PLEASE limit showers to 5-6 mintues

UM WHhhhhhhhhhhhhhat?   I def couldn't live there, I mean seriously, no real christmas trees???? ;)

Mondays...

I got this. I totally got this. I'm heading today to go look at apartments and it's scary. Ok, not scary like "boo" but scary to be alone with someone, having to talk about what I can and can not afford, and trying to decipher where I want to be. The worst part- the guy who is taking me....he sounds cute. So scared. I don't want to have diarrhea mouth- I want to be fabulous. (bang head on desk)

I got this. I soooo got this. I'm trying to think of all the great stuff I have going on...and trying to maintain my sense of awesomeness. I got this...I so got this.

No babies.
Got my period.
I'm awesomely single (and hot)

Need to dance to the beat of my own drum. Who really cares about those girls who I went to high school with that are now married and having their kids...really? And I can't put too much energy thinking about them and their situations, when I have my own great situation...My situation like everyone's changes moment to moment and day to day. Some days are crap, some are fantastic- for everyone. I need to maintain what is truly important in MY life.

I got this.

Fuck you Friday..

Yup, you guessed it- still no period yet...I feel it stirring in my ovaries...and I'm still hungry and it needs to be here so we can get this over with.

Can we talk babies? It seems as though there are way too many people I knew from high school having babies...am I missing the train? the boat? Am I not supposed to have a baby? It's distracting. Then when I really think about it- would I even be ready for a baby? LORD NO. They still gross me out. I'm a mess- I can't even mind the cat at times...how in the world would I ever handle a baby?

OK- maybe it's the idea of a baby and family. The Idea....I don't know. I'm a big mess right now...no baby, no man, no house of my own...one big mess...

Can I stay curled up in a ball today?

TMI Thursday

Dear Period,

You are driving me nuts. I'm famished, I'm full, I'm craving, I'm fat, I'm bloated, I'm cranky, I'm irriated, I'm convinced I'm the Virgin Mary, I'm exhausted and I have no patience...

I feel you tingling ovaries. Let's get this over with so I can back to feeling normal.

Damn you

Splitting Pants...

Had a fantastic weekend with two of my favorite ladies; Montenez and Virigina. Goal was to dance and dance we did til 4 in the morning! Within one week, that's the second time I've been out late...I think it's more times then 2010...I say, we're starting off the year good!!!

While at the bar, dancing out asses off, a group of guys totally got the green light to start flirting. By green light, I mean, me; smiling and saying "CHEERS!".

Accents. French Accents. Lots of dancing, ass grabbing and growling (I like to call that boy Eye of the Tiger- EoT) EoT was hilarious, ready for anything and not too shabby of a dancer. However, anytime he growled- it just seemed to get creepier and creepier. One of the dudes and I started chatting it up- nice guy, fake accent. I find out he's from Westchester. Dude- you're American, not with the fake accent.

So I'm flirting, having and he begins to dance. He leans in, whispers in my ear "I've split my pants.". OMG. OMG. I'm drunk, I reach around to find out for myself. OMG, he really split his pants. Then, without a disclosure- he does a split. Literally. OMG, he's split his pants and is doing a split. OMG. I look to Montenez and loose it. My stomache hurts so much. Ok, maybe laughing directly at him might have been in the catagory of bulling, but COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Split pants and Frenchies leave- Ok, maybe not leave, but say they'll be back. Sure whatevs. Cue dancing.

I look over and realize there's a new hot guy totally checking dancing girls out. Flirty McFlirt that I am, I brush my hand against his cheast and now he's dancing with me. Hot. He's the perfect height, not quite 6ft, but still much taller then me. Hot, I think. It's getting late, we start looking at one another and have the telepathy to know that our feet are killing us. As we're re-grouping, who walks back into the door!!! SPLIT PANTS! Oh man...

Split pants is checking me out and hot guy, is trying to make out. Big delemia. Perfect time to get out of there. Girls get ahead of me and Hot Guy wants my number, but best ending goes as follows:

Hot Guy: "I need your number, you can't just leave me"
Me: "Um, yeah I can. Where's your phone"
Hot Guy: "I don't have it. I left it. I lost it. I don't have one"
Me: "Um, well, get a pen"
Hot Guy: "uh, don't leave."
Me" Have to! BYE!!"

Get home, laughing uncontrolably. My phone goes off;

"thanks susie for not talking to me. Way to show a guy you're uninterested."

WHAT!

my response,

"dude, you never asked me out. I'm single, I mingle"

Next day-

"Susie, how was your day? I can't help but tell you I couldnt stop thinking about you all day"

WTF. Split Pants...what are you doing?

Happy Monday...

Hi, again...

I start off the New Year with a new post. Dedication to myself to blog more. So White Snake says, "An here again I go on my on my own, Goin down the only road I've ever known"...

First on business, I'm doing a cleanse. A dating cleanse. It's going to be rough, it's going to be horrible but I'm doing a dating detox.

Rules Are as follows:
1) NO meeting men via Internet dating service
2) NO sex before monogamy
3) I MUST this year, put myself in an uncomfortable where I have to meet people in different social setting then I'm used to

Three easy rules all explanatory. Why meet a man on via Internet dating service- because they all suck. It leads to one maybe two crappy dates and then it's over- No more I say! Sex, well I'm taking Patti Stangers' thinking of no sex before monogamy..she's right..I'm trying it her way...And putting myself in uncomfortable situations, I'm working on this one, it's probably the hardest, I'll get back to you...