Focusing on Today

Well, I woke up this morning, after a long night of reading and thinking, dreaming and pondering- and can't get out of my head how sexually crazed I am right now. Like electrified to the 9th degree. I could take care of it myself. It's empowering, it's something that I find myself saying: "I don't need a man to fulfill that need, I can do it alone". But now I'm asking- what's the sense in that- I'm putting out the vibe that I don't need a man! BRAKES ON! SCREAMING HALT!

Needing and wanting are two different ideologies. A friend asked me today, " what are you're needs, today?". I honeslty have no clue, no goal, no real, "this is what I am doing today". I know that I have to pick up last minute gifts, read, yoga later today, etc. But nothing saying "I am doing this!" Instead, I find I get fustrated. I'm fustrated that I'm alone, I'm fustrated that little things are bothering me, I'm fustrated that there are things to do and I don't want to do them- I'm sensing my tantrum coming on any minute.

So let's get back to needs- 3 big ones: Food, Water and Oxygen, right? Well, maybe there's a little more to it- what about the other parts of life that make you happy? The emotional, the sexual and the physical parts of the day? You need those too, right? I'm not allowing myself to say "I don't know" anymore. I do know- I just have to look harder.

Everyday, I do something. Most of the time it's work related. Well now finding myself towards the end of the year, I find myself asking, desiring more. More "out theres", more "differents". What is something I did last year and how I can do the complete opposite? FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. I can do this. This year, I'm going to Yoga, I'm dedicated myself to keep that white light bouncing out of my inner self. This year, I'm going to take all the risks I encounter. This year I'm going to get out there. Stop asking what out there is, and just do it. It's probably, MOST OF THE TIME, the most uncomfortable things to do- but suck it up- do it.... I can do this.

Today, my energy is out there. I realized I got a little crazy- over the top. Chill. Just chill- it'll be fine.