What the HELL is wrong with Men?

I find myself asking this EVERYDAY lately. I'm so over men.

First Example
Scene: Local Bar
Participants: Myself, Friend (who we'll call Soon To Be Married- AKA STBM) and my crush

Chatting away, talking about local co-ed softball league and how I can get myself involved. When my crush, and he knows it, promptly announces

"Susie, I'll hook you up with my X wives team. It's totally an awesome co-ed team"

Um, you're my crush. Granted you didn't think about what you just said. But WHY in the hell would anyone who would want to get involved with you romantically, physically, want ANYTHING to do with you x wife?

Second Example
Scene-I'm in bed. Who the hell knows where the participant is
Participants: Myself and N. the Dick

Text Message: "You are the one you know. You fucked it up"

UM, excuse me. I think you have the nickname DICK for a reason

Third Example:
Scene: Dinner at bar of nice brick oven Italian place
Participants: Myself and Date who we'll call Shortie

"So, this month, I spend a lot"
Check comes.
I grab
He lets me

A few minutes later, he says, " Don't you know you want to come home with me"

I'm DONE! DO YOU HEAR ME!!!!!! DONE... I will NOT settle for anything then the best. So cliche but COME ON. I'm so tired of the misfits, where and how am I gonna meet the right one for me?

I want to date. I want to be swooned. I want chocolate and flowers and little cards that say "I love you" to be found amongst my things. None of this garbage that is. What am I doing wrong??

When asking STBM about dating, flirting and flowers, etc. She told me that she believed it does not happened. But I don't get it. If a man likes you, he'll do EVERYTHING in his power to see you, date you, call you. He'll WANT to be with you. Isn't that how its supposed to happen?

Ugh.... H E L P