Wedding Bells

I'm in Lousville, KY sitting in a hotel room, in the early afternoon. It's cold. It was only 52 degrees in here last night! The heat smelled- I woke up this morning smelling the French Toast from the downstairs lobby. Normally this aroma would have been the best smell ever but when you just want to sleep, I could have done without. But it loured me downstairs- I am thankful for the pretty good coffee.

Marriage. That's what I'm reading about. It's been subconsciously streaming through my mind, hell- don't we as woman, want to be married? Big dress, bridesmaids, flowers, CAKE, and oh, yeah that other person standing in front of an entire congregation and GOD confessing that he will love you for ever.

I'm starting to look at Marriage in a different perspective. As a merging of two families, in futile times, this allowed for a bigger clan. The clan offers protection and support. The bigger the clan the more support and protection against other clans. These clans grew bigger, and became Serfs, Lords, Ladies, Kings and Queens. The church got involved, marriage became a barder over kingdoms. Then there are other realms, arranged marriages, dowries, and my FAVORITE ghost marriages. Here in China, woman who made there wealth, they're own money!, could ask for a ghost marriage to a wealthy dead man. Shit. That works. Accumulate his wealth and yet be your own person- that's not looking like a bad decision.

Today there was an interesting commentator on the news. He said that girls are far out educated then the men. That parents of boys should beware- if the teacher says he's going to "catch up" in his reading and math skills- guess what, go get your son a new teacher because he's not going to excel. Well think about it, more woman because Doctors, Lawyers, Judges, Police, Nurses, the more education the more wealth, the less she is likely to find herself in a situation where she more then likely will be like me, single. Checking the single box on everything. And what about those boys who will be lacking in education, well how are they going to get wives? Where are they going to get wives? Cue Mail Order....

Some have told me that my travelling is not good. Sure I get tired- but it's an adventure. Men have always been scared of my travelling. Why? My fellow older women folk of the depression area would tell me I should be home with babies and keeping home for my husband. But who knows, maybe in the same breathe they would tell me to continue what I'm doing. But what if the men are scared that I'll meet someone better then them on the road? I don't have an answer, but I'm not going to stop doing what I believe is my adventure.

Anyway, back to marriage. Because I travel does it mean I will lack in the department? Do I have a predestined plan via the universe that I will be independant and strong and my own bread winner (that scares me)?

I do have one realization: infatuation. Quite a few of the men I have been with, seriously, has been an infatuation. Think about it. When I thought I couldn't breathe without this person. I can, I totally can but at those points, I was dying without them. My question to myself is- Was this person a friend? Did they love me for all my faults and yet join in whatever adventure I may encounter? NOPE- big FAT NOPE.

I'm done with the infatuation. Love can be romantic. Marriage can sound romantic. But it's also realistic. I'd like someone to get and be able to work with my faults. That'd be love. Someone who can put up with me. But on the other hand, a good, Clark Kent guy, whom I can love, he's going to have faults too. And I promise who ever that person is, I will love those faults.